Crude-Ish

Why do I write what I do?  Because half of the time I’m convinced that I’m crazy.  The other half i feel very rational and in control.  I figured I cant be the only one that feels like it.

Ive embraced the fact that just because im not medically diagnosable doesnt mean that I’m not Bi-Polar.  I think we’re all Bi-Polar.  We’re just trained well.. some of us really well.  We know what society condones and what is frowned upon.

The difference between me and you is that sometimes I get in an ” I don t give a fuck mood” and I’m about to un-censor this mouth of mine and give it to you because I can and whoever wants to entertain my craziness then great and whoever doesnt well then click off.. simple..

Sometimes I have soooo much love, compassion, and personal fire that I just want to love the world and hug everyone, tell everyone things get better and you need to be free and alive.

Today.. even though I am not advocating for the inside demons, i just wanted to share that yes I have them, yes I contradict myself.. sometimes even alot, sometimes even in the same breath.  Its ok, im entitled, thats what I think, and truly im the only voice i really do listen to.  Maybe Im narcissistic.  Who knows.  I just think Im fair and I make sense.. But whateves.

Its ok to love your freinds, your family and your partner and still wake up one morning annoyed or sensitive like someone spiked your coffee with soap.

Is it just me?? Perhaps.. but I already know im dysfunctional. 

What isnt ok is to take it out on others…  It happens… MAN I know it happens..

Here’s what I think.  Retail therapy if you can, if you cant.. ask for a HUG… if you cant find the person you trust and say… hey IM NOT OKAY TODAY.  Today im mad and crazy, or sad and little.  Vulnerable and scared.  Have a drink if you can and only if you wont give your demon wings…

Just love yourself, be patient with yourself.  Forgiveness or love will soon reflow into your day, or tomorrow.. in the meantime if you want to think (within yourself) FUCK YOU… FUCK THIS….. NOT TODAY… YOURE AN ANNOYING ASSHOLE.. OR YOURE JUST DUMB…. OR THAT BETCH ISNT EVEN THAT PRETTY… OR STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE AND I HOPE YOU GET GAS AND MISTAKINGLY RELEASE AT THE MOST EMBARRASING TIME….. Guess WHAT???? ITS NORMAL… LOL ATLEAST IN MY BOOK… 

so take my F-OFF hall pass and use it when necessary.. just remember THIS dr.. suggests you cure IT with love….

Peace OUT!!!!

Change doesn’t seem very friendly most of the time.  Change means I feel akward.  Change means I don’t always know what to do.  It might mean im lost, im scared.  Change might mean I dare to try, to take a chance, to face that which lays before me.

Truth is time waits for nobody. Change materializes sometimes by choice, sometimes because it is the sign of the times.

Depression, adversity, sadness and vulnerability arent always bad things… at times they need to be given a little bit of space… BUT THEY ARE A STATE OF MIND.

Pick a moment when you decide.. hey there anxiety, free running tears, doubt and your friend fear…  You don’t own this, you do not run this show.

We are free will, we are creators.  True creators make life happen, and deal with what they are handed as well.  To create with the material at hand.  multi-textural.

So choose to trust the process and to believe in yourself.  Everything has a path, a solution and an attached perception. Except for death we have a choice.

That pain and fear you feel in your chest… if you so chose you can put the volume down, you can tell your mind to turn it off.  You can opt to change the way you see it.

Be better, think better, and always aim to live better.

This has been a message of the mind and attitude altering kind.

<3 one love…

I am every likelihood, every possibility, everything that makes sense, every contradiction.  I am a true child of everything that life is.  Be my friend because I do not hide under a rock, i do not pretend i am not.  I am small, I make mistakes, I am imperfection that lives to embrace and understand everything that I am.

I have been lost, again, and again, and I find myself and a new path every single time.

This is the reason living and trusting matters.  Unfold.

To know me, doesn’t mean to understand me.  To understand me might mean to question me, might mean to love me.  I live to share, to learn, to teach.  But I do not apologize for who I am.

I cannot take everyone and everything with me, but I take the inspiration bestowed upon me, and the lessons as a map.

I am the hardest judge of myself, but I am my parent, I am my own friend.  I love and forgive me with all my greatness, all my confusion, all my mistakes.

I am sorry for the me that doesn’t suit you, but I am never sorry for the me.

‘live… love…. and learn..”